Taking time-off feels impossible.
The matrix of the internet is always just a lock screen away, whispering at us to refresh our notifications in pursuit of the fabled zero inbox.
One more check seems harmless. We’re only helping our future selves out after all. Surely nothing can go wrong…
Until it does.
All it takes is one sentence from a client to ruin your weekend.
One moment you’re relaxing in the sun with an ice lolly in one hand and a beer in the other, and the next you’re running around in circles trying to reason why they used the word “unacceptable” in their reply.
Then your cortisol levels skyrocket.
So, when Monday comes around again, you’re already exhausted.
But, it doesn’t have to be like this.
Not every passing moment of your day has to be relentlessly squeezed for efficiency in the search of machine-like productivity.
Humans are not machines.
They aren’t designed to repeat task after task until they drop dead.
Relaxing will not only 10x your productivity. It will also put you at ease with the life you’re living, allowing you to zoom out to see the bigger picture.
To relax means:
No time - the beating heart of the clock doesn’t matter.
No devices - the living, breathing world is your experience.
No schedule - the freedom of spontaneity is what drives you.
You don’t need all three all the time, but ensure you’re embracing at least one when you go to take time-off.
Here’s how you master relaxing.
#1: Set your boundaries 🚫
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behaviour or a choice” - Brené Brown
Without boundaries we are at the mercy of other’s expectations.
Their lifestyle becomes our own as we morph our working habits to meet their incessant need to communicate at every hour of the day.
To take back control you need to set clear guard-rails on your time.
Here’s how you build boundaries:
1) Redirect your requests
Do NOT say “Yes” to everything.
Identify which 20% of your responsibilities make up 80% of the impact in your role. Accept requests that help achieve these goals and pass on the rest.
To redirect without causing offence:
Refer a resource - point them to an online guide.
Recommend a friend - introduce them to an expert.
Reject the rest- explain that your focus is on the 20% activities.
You might miss the odd networking call.
But, you’ll have your time and energy back to get laser focused on what moves the needle.
2) Control your notifications
Every email feels urgent.
But, 9 times out of 10 it can wait until tomorrow morning, once you’ve had a chance to truly switch off and unwind.
To get back in the driving seat:
Turn on mute - for emails, slack and direct messages.
Add an email footer - explain that they should call you for emergencies.
Schedule a review time - add two slots (AM & PM) to reply to everyone.
Decide how and when you engage.
Only then will you be able to give your full attention to what you do.
3) Separate your work-life
When the work ends, ensure it actually stops.
Do yourself a favour and make it as easy as possible to switch your brain from work mode into chill mode. Then stick with it.
To draw your separation:
Use a new desktop login - create one user for work & one for life.
Change the location - work in one room, chill out in another.
Get a work phone - lock it away at the end of the day.
Work as long and hard as you want.
But, when the day is over let your brain sigh a breath of relief so that when you come back tomorrow the fire in your belly is alight and ready to go.
#2: Cultivate your calm 🧘🏼♂️
“All great thoughts are conceived while walking” - Friedrich Nietzsche
When we react to forces around us, we lose control of our ability to think clearly and get caught up in the emotions of the moment.
They swell like a tidal wave and engulf our original plans.
To steady the waves means finding our source of calm and parting the seas with a fresh perspective.
Here’s how you cultivate your calm:
1) Find what gives you energy
Look at how you spend your free time.
Find those activities where your internal monologue no longer beats to the anxiety of your everyday stresses and worries.
It’s different for everyone, but here’s some examples:
Playing - video games, board games.
Exercising - walks, runs, cycles, swims, gyms.
Reading - books, articles, research papers.
Listening - podcasts, audiobooks, songs.
Socialising - networking, pubbing, grubbing.
Embrace what engrosses you.
2) Ask yourself one simple question
Enjoy what gives you energy for the sake of it.
But, also realise that switching off is also a tool, which can be used to spark fresh ideas for when you return to work.
To do this, find that one big problem that is holding you back, zoom out from it and then ask yourself a single broad question.
Something like this:
“What are the easy wins I can do to increase newsletter subscribers?”
You’ll forget about it.
But, behind the scenes, your subconscious brain will be beavering away at the question, knocking up a range of solutions.
Then suddenly you’ll remember the question & the answers will appear.
3) Lose yourself in the moment
Remove your expectations from the activity.
Experience it for what it is. Be present with the moment. Connect with the people around you, listen in to nature and sit with your emotions.
Book out the time in your diary.
But, don’t rush to simply complete it. It’s not another task to be done. It’s an event to be embraced, enjoyed & experienced in of itself.
#3: Take actual holidays 🛫
“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us” - Maya Angelou
While the activities that give you energy are paracetamols to the symptom of burnout, taking actual holidays are the surgeries that fix the root cause.
Unplugging from your routine can be scary.
Truly disconnecting means overcoming the desire to maximise our holidays in pursuit of ticking off another item on our bucket list.
It means embracing idleness.
Living without a schedule, where time doesn’t matter, away from the digital world.
Here’s how you take actual holidays:
1) Prepare weeks in advance
Once the date for your holiday is penned in the calendar, work backwards from it and plan how you can get on top of everything.
Accept what you’ll be turning down.
Then ask yourself:
Can I get ahead with my client work?
Who can I delegate my key responsibilities to?
Who needs to know I’m away? When will I let them know?
Don’t let the house burn down while you’re sipping margaritas.
Turn off any live flames, teach someone the fire drill and make sure the emergency exits are still working.
It’ll save you anxiety later down the line.
2) Embrace planned spontaneity
Your holiday is not a project.
If you force a rigid timetable and plethora of activities, you’ll spend more time worrying about what you should be doing rather than simply enjoying it.
Bring a list of intentions if you have to, but let yourself decide on the day when and how you want to explore them.
Walk away from the pressure and embrace the idleness of deciding in the moment.
Your mind will thank you for it later.
3) Dedicate time to plug back-in
Unplugging means disconnecting from everything.
Turning off your phone and taking off your watch will form a bubble around yourself and the people you’re with.
Time will flow and you’ll live by the rise and fall of the sun.
But, once you do re-enter normal life, it will be overwhelming:
The prime minister will decide to resign.
The 97 WhatsApp messages will all arrive at once.
The unread emails will be longer than you imagined.
(at least, that’s my most recent experience after 3 days)
However, the important part is this:
The world didn’t fall apart. Everything was okay. What you thought required an immediate response could actually wait.
Just remember to schedule an afternoon to get back on-top of all the notifications and to plug yourself back into the digital world.
The Summary
Let’s recap: To master relaxing you need to set your boundaries, cultivate your calm and take actual holidays.
There’s your 5 minute guide, now take action:
📚 Recommended Book: Do Nothing by Celeste Headlee - An insightful read on how we got caught up in the cult of productivity and the steps we can take to embrace doing nothing.
📑 Recommended Article: How Stress Can Fuel Personal Growth by Nita Jain - A well researched nuanced take on the role of stress in personal growth, when it’s healthy and when it’s too much.
💎 Recommended Guide: How to Relax by Headspace - 934 days of a streak later and I still meditate with Headspace everyday. It’s been a game changer for me and will be for you too.
Headspace is amazing. My first experience of mediation started with the app. Truly life changing.
My phone is always on Do Not Disturb for all notifications and calls. Whenever I turn it off and get the flood of messages I feel my stress level rise immediately.
Great advice Charlie.
Thanks for the much-needed reminder to prioritize and schedule R&R time. Appreciate the actionable tips!