Everything in life is impermanent.
The people we meet, the places we visit and the passions we indulge in never stay the same. Over time our friends become strangers, our homes become buildings and our interests become hobbies that used to define us. For we, as much as the world around us, are in a constant cycle of change.
And we have two choices in how we can respond:
Resist the reality around us, reminiscing on the good times of the past while suffocating our unrealised potential of the future.
Embrace our new environment by obsessing over how we can master it to transcend the person we once were to become everything we can be.
If you haven’t already guessed, it’s the latter that matters.
However, choosing it won’t be easy. For it requires us to confront our limiting beliefs about ourselves, identify new areas for growth and relentlessly reject the comforts of the past for the uncertainties of the future.
The path through is a long one. But, on the other side of your adversity is a new impossibly more competent self that you’re yet to realise.
Let’s explore how to get there.
The Obstacle is the Way
When embracing impermanence we must choose to confront the harsh reality that change is challenging. It will test us. Relentlessly.
But, rather than shying away from the fear we feel towards the obstacle in front of us, we must reframe the journey ahead. Our challenges are not impossible burdens to be borne by the shoulders of stagnation, but are instead opportunities for us to grow in ways we can’t yet imagine. For behind every anxiety is a lack of competence waiting to be mastered. And by running towards it we’ll expand ourselves beyond our current limitations, growing in areas of life that we once thought were impossible.
At first this will seem a reality out of reach for almost all of us. Especially when we set our goals too high to begin with. However, if we start small we can build the confidence in ourselves to take on increasingly difficult feats. With one step at a time we’ll prove that what we feared yesterday no longer matters, inching us ever closer to the realisation that with enough time, energy and dedication we can achieve anything.
It’s only then that we’ll be comfortable with change.
Evolving into Antifragility
Like a tree swaying in the wind, weathering the storm of change means finding an inner sturdiness to be resilient to it’s effects.
For even as the branches of our life fall away, the trunk that supports us must remain steadfast. We should nurture it with the happiness habits that we know enable our best selves. Whether it be meditation, exercise, journaling or any other form of self-care, it is in times of great change that we need to keep hold of what grounds us. For looking after ourselves is not a nicety reserved only for when things are going well, but is an essential tool in our struggle through the difficult times that ahead.
Once resilient, our next aim must be to become antifragile. Instead of merely resisting the shocks of impermanence, we should seek to thrive and grow in their presence. To do this we need to build extra capacity when under stress. Similar to how regular exercise forces our bodies to respond by growing stronger muscles, our minds have the capacity to expand when faced with greater challenges. For as long as we either progressively increase the weight of the challenge or give ourselves enough time to master it all at once, we’ll unlock a new level of competence that we could only dream of before.
This is the growth we need to see change not as an enemy, but as a friend.
Flowing with the Four Seasons
Change happens in seasons. It’s not one constant flow of the same. But, a series of different climates, each with their own weather to master.
Winter of Learning
This is when you’ve decided to throw yourself in the deep end. You’re headfirst against the challenge in front of you, needing to learn how to swim, lest you drown in the process. It’s when you seek all the knowledge you can find. You read all the books. You watch all the courses. And you get to grips with the fundamentals of what is needed to overcome the obstacle ahead.
Spring of Creating
Now that you have the theory, it’s time to turn it into action. By sharing what you’ve learnt and creating something valuable for others you consolidate the knowledge that’s been bouncing around in your head. It’s in Spring that you’ll build the case study to test your ideas against reality. You won’t get everything right the first time. But, that’s the point. Instead you’ll be getting one step closer to the truth of your assumptions every time you try.
Summer of Connecting
Once you’ve learnt what works, you’ll shift your focus to levelling up your connections with others facing the same challenges. You’ll use your experience as a practitioner having dealt directly with change to contribute to others on the same journey. You’ll find or even create a community of “your people” who you can give back to.
Autumn of Reaping
In the Autumn, with the connections of the Summer, you’ll find a mastery with the difficulty you have overcome. You’ll be able to enjoy the benefits of your hard work, reaping the inevitable rewards that come from transcending the fears that used to scare you. Enjoy it while it lasts. But, remember that Winter is just round the corner and soon enough it will be time to start the cycle over. Lest stagnation set in once more.
In Conclusion
Life’s impermanence should be a reminder that both the good times and the bad times won’t last forever. They’ll both come and go. And so rather than gripping to the handlebars of the past, we should take hold of the reality of the present with both arms, doing our best to live it’s moments day by day.
For the past exists only in our imagination. As does the future. And the only thing we can actually live in is the moment that passes before our very eyes. So, embrace it. Live it. Ride the journey of a lifetime with it. For truly learning to grow through change means accepting that it happens in the first place.