Hey there fellow Apprentices,
This week’s co-authored piece is written with Kam Taj, a fellow multipotentialite (& member of the community) who is a leadership & performance coach, Founder of Exam Success Academy and all-round inspiring fellow with whom I’ve had many deep, interesting conversations about life.
After resonating with one his most recent LinkedIn posts about the importance of trade-offs, I reached out because I knew we had to share his thinking with you all here. So, here it is. Our collaboration on how you must choose your sacrifices in life. And how you can decide on the right ones.
Your Decisions Have Consequences
Anything worth doing has a price.
In time. In energy. And in money. Nothing is truly free. For even if we’ve worked our arses off cutting costs, optimising productivity and focusing only on the most important tasks, we’ve still sacrificed the greatest thing of all…
“What we could have been doing instead”
Known as our opportunity cost, the next best alternative to a decision we made can haunt us forever. It can chase us with endless “what ifs” that leave us wondering whether everything we ever wanted was truly worth it after all.
But, instead of drowning in regret we must realise that trade-offs are inevitable. For all our greatest resources; time, energy and money are all finite. And we can push each to their limits as much as we like, but if we take them too far they’ll only bring us to burnout, bankruptcy or breakdown.
The Three Traps of Trade-offs
It’s easy to put-off the mental discomfort that comes with weighing up trade-offs.
Thinking about trade-offs is inherently uncomfortable because of the combination of our inability to accurately forecast emotional loss/gain, and because many outcomes that we’re trading off for may be out of our control.
Self-awareness is our primary weapon when navigating life’s trade-offs - we can’t change what we don’t acknowledge, we can’t heal what we refuse to feel, and we can’t improve what we don’t reflect upon.
Failure to do this can lead to falling into the 3 Traps of Trade-Offs.
1) The Trap of Indecision
The overwhelm we feel at the thought of taking trade-offs makes us indecisive. Indecision creates discomfort, which our brain tries to avert from via procrastination and short-termism.
Instead of leaning into the discomfort to pursue clarity and purpose, we get trapped in cycles of short-term gratification.
Which leads to a hidden trade-off…
“Our future clarity for our present distraction”
2) The Trap of Loss Aversion
Loss aversion dictates we trade nothing out and do *everything*. We spread ourselves too thin by trying to juggle too many balls, leading to lower performance across all areas of our lives - and eventually burnout.
Instead of making the eternally difficult choice between many great options, we try to have it all and end up having nothing at all.
Which leads to a hidden trade-off…
“Tomorrow’s wellbeing & performance for today’s superhuman efforts”
3) The Trap of Societal Approval
We can't separate what we want from what we've been consciously & sub-consciously told we should want.
Instead of choosing a life that deeply aligns with us, we get caught up spending precious time living a life that has been dictated by others.
Which leads to a hidden trade-off…
“Our future fulfilment for our today’s societal approval
How to Avoid the Traps
Each trap can be subtle, which is why optimising for fulfilment & performance across our careers, relationships and health is damn difficult.
So, instead of attempting to avoid the inevitable of falling into each of the traps, become aware of their presence and realise when you’re slipping into them.
Doing so allows you to:
Identify a trade-off which does not enrich your life.
Reflect on alternative actions which would be more enriching.
Experiment with those actions to test your hypothesis.
The more you do this, the less you begin thinking in terms of trade-offs, and the more you can begin creating ‘trade-ups’ in your life.
Consider an action which is currently using up your time. Ask yourself how you can trade that ‘up’ for an action which is more aligned with your values.
Consider a thought which is currently draining your energy. Ask yourself how you can trade that ‘up’ for a more empowering (and equally ‘true’) thought which reduces that energy drain - or even creates energy gain.
Consider a meaningful goal which feels daunting or overwhelming due to the outcome being out of your control. Ask yourself how you can trade ‘up’ your emotion by writing out your ideal emotional response when you consider that goal, and how you can reframe your goal or outcomes you seek to access that emotional state.
(Perhaps you can begin by identifying processes or skills within that goal which will be inherently valuable, regardless of whether or not the outcome is attained.)
The art of turning ‘trade-offs’ into ‘trade-ups’ is one which utilises our infinite capacity to be creative, and our brain’s potential for neuroplasticity.
It requires us to gently challenge existing, default narratives we hold about the thoughts, emotions and behaviours in our lives, and to create empowering, yet realistic, alternatives which can become our new default when practiced repeatedly.
Most of all, it requires us to be open-minded, curious, and malleable…
Remembering What is Malleable
Even though the constraints that exist around us are very much real, they are often more malleable than we realise. Your time, energy and money can be claimed back. As long as you’re willing to dictate your worth and withstand the short-term sacrifices required to get there.
Not enough time?
Find a remote job. Save yourself 2 hours of travelling every day.
Negotiate a 4 day work week and buy yourself back 8 hours a week.
Increase your prices by 20% and work one day less per week.
Not enough energy?
Make 7 hours sleep & 1 hour exercise a non-negotiable.
Quit the friends and social events you don’t actually enjoy.
Choose to spend your time on activities you can lose yourself in.
Not enough money?
Invest your evenings and weekends into building a side hustle.
Track your spending each month and cut back on the luxuries.
Upskill yourself or change industry in search of a higher income.
Summary
If you don’t deliberately decide how you want to live your life, build your career, and define success, you’ll unconsciously be dictated by the trade-offs that society decides for you.
And if you don't consciously update your trade-offs, your decisions will be dictated by the goals & choices that your younger self attached their worth to.
You don't want your parents, your peers, or your well-meaning but naive 16-year old self influencing your current trajectory.
Make your goal to be so deliberate in choosing your trade-offs, reflecting on them & adjusting them as needed, so that they never feel like trade-offs.
If you do, you'll find the beautiful intersection between living a life of high performance in all that you choose to do, and deep fulfilment in who you choose to be.