Negotiation is often called âthe art of letting someone else have your wayâ.
This means itâs not about winning at all costs and burning every bridge you can to get the best deal possible for yourself. Instead, itâs about creating mutually beneficial relationships.
Discovering these relationships in the haystack of communication means focusing on uncovering information to create value for both parties.
But, what kind of information?
Youâre looking for the followingâŚ
Aspirations - what are their goals?
Situation - whatâs currently happening?
Problems - what issues is the situation creating?
Risks - what risks are caused by these problems?
Implications - what are the consequences of action and inaction?
Needs - what needs to be done for whom?
Use the ASPRIN framework to understand the lens through which your counterpart views the exact challenges theyâre facing right now.Â
Note-take while they speak.
Once theyâre done, summarise what youâve learnt.
Then, if youâve listened intently and summarised their words accurately, youâll hear the golden two word sentence that should sound like honey to your ears.Â
âThatâs right.â
Just like that⌠Theyâve been understood. They feel like you actually get it. They have someone they can relate to. Someone who they âtrustâ.
Now youâve earned their trust. Itâs time to get started.
Hereâs how you master negotiation.
#1: Build Your Leverage
Your leverage is the power you have before you start. Itâs the strength youâre perceived to be able to flex by your counterpart.
Giving yourself this strong hand means drawing from a deck you choose. Choose it by preparing for the conversation. If you donât, youâre simply preparing to fail.
Here are the levers you can pull to do thisâŚ
1) Create a strong alternative
Have options lined up before you walk into the conversation.Â
Find a second job offer, source funding for your business idea or agree to other projects that youâll enjoy doing. The better the alternative, the stronger your position will be.
Make them believe they have something to lose (ie. you) if the deal falls through.
2) Let them go first
Do your research on your market rate.
But, when it comes down to numbers, let them start. This can mean being provided with an offer way above the rate youâd have even suggested.
Once they provide an offer, negotiate it higher. Itâs just a starting point.
3) Beware of anchors
Anchoring bias means relying too much on the first piece of information.
It sounds like this: âthe average pay increase at our company is 3%, but weâre so delighted with your work weâll be offering you a 5% raiseâ.
Reject the anchor.Â
Youâre worth more than average, so donât let them compare you to it.
#2: Understand Your Opposite
Everyone is human. They might have three degrees, 16 years of experience, a title that starts with âChiefâ and the respect of their entire team, but they're still a homosapien.
This means they still have the same basic needs as you. They want to be inspired, treated fairly and understood just the same.
Hereâs how you give this to themâŚ
1) Humanise yourselfÂ
Introduce yourself in a unique, friendly and fun manner. Move beyond your job title, show humility and youâll be treated like a person, not a product.
An example:
âIâm Charlie, a 23 year old still figuring everything out. I love unlocking peopleâs potential, which I believe happens at the intersection of the individual and institutions. Thatâs why I write weekly guides on self-mastery and consult organisations on how to build for the future of the workplace. Oh, and Iâm also training for an Ironman.â
Use labels where brevity is needed.
Tell stories where emotional connection is needed.
2) Treat them fairly
Fairness is different for everyone.
But, the negative emotion of getting a bad deal always outweighs the positive rational value of money. So, find out what their version of fairness is and ensure you deliver on it.Â
If they insist that theyâre treating you fairly when theyâre clearly not, then question it. Ask for evidence that supports what they deem to be fair. Youâll soon find out itâs unsubstantiated.
Never leave either side with a feeling of unfairness.
Itâll just come back to bite you down the road.
3) Identify mutual gain
Create a positive sum game where you both win.
Host a brainstorming session with them. Set a common goal and plan how you can work together to achieve it. Broaden the options beyond your initial ideas. Look for concessions that mean little to you, but a lot to them.
By co-creating a solution, youâre creating equal buy-in.
Which is the secret sauce to finding a workable agreement.
#3: Overcome Your Rejections
âNoâ doesnât actually mean no in business.
Each time you hear it, donât take it personally. Theyâre not saying no to you, theyâre saying no to the current situation. Itâs not the end of the negotiations, itâs the beginning.
It often just means âwaitâ or âIâm not comfortable with thatâ.
But, it also makes the person saying it feel safe and in control. When your counterpart says ânoâ they define their space and find the confidence to listen to you.Â
Use this to your advantage. Trigger a ânoâ with a purposefully negative question like âso, do you want this initiative to fail?â.Â
Itâll make them feel in control from the outset.
âYesâ is the final goal of negotiation.
However, drawing it out too early makes people defensive and our love of hearing it can make us blind to the rest of the conversation.Â
Start with âNoâ and end with âYesâ.Â
Negotiation is about discovering mutual value.
So, be the solution to their greatest problems and donât take any of it personally. Itâs just two human beings vibrating their voice boxes to explain electric signals from inside their skulls.
The Summary
Letâs recap; To master negotiation you need to build your leverage, understand your opposite and overcome your rejections.
Thereâs your 5 minute guide. Now put it into ACTION.
If you want further reading, hereâs this weekâs list: