Your network is your net worth… right?
It can be... But, only if you treat those you meet as equals. As self-interested individuals who deserve to benefit from your relationship with them.
Your network doesn’t exist to be flogged for the next star-studded business opportunity you can think of to pocket a little extra cash.
They are human beings just like you.
Understand them, empathise with them and help them.
Only then will they return the favour tenfold when you least expect it, appearing in your DMs out of thin air to introduce you to the exact person you’re looking to meet.
Creating these valuable relationships takes a bucket load of time.
To maximise your return means realising there are 3 types of people:
Takers - they help others strategically, when the benefits exceed the personal costs.
Matchers - they help others when they feel they have benefited from them before.
Givers - they help others whenever the benefits to others exceed the personal costs.
The worst AND best performers are Givers.
Takers and Matchers are more likely to land in the middle.
How is this the case…?
It’s because there are two types of Givers:
Selfless Givers - they give time and energy without regard for their own needs.
Otherish Givers - they care about benefiting others, but also seek to advance their own interests.
Selfless Givers sink to the bottom.
While Otherish Givers rise to the top.
They climb up the ranks by giving without burning out. Their giving is proactive, genuinely enjoyable and delivered at times that work for them. They don’t compromise their own goals to respond to the reactive requests of others.
When building your network, it’s vital to be an Otherish Giver.
Give without expectation from others, but don’t be afraid to ask for support or to adjust your reciprocity style if those you meet prove to be Matchers or Takers.
With this in mind, here’s how you master community building.
#1: Engage your conversations
Conversations can either set your soul alight with passion or bore you into utter disconnect from the words of strangers and friends alike.
The difference is engagement.
To create a heart-pounding experience for the person you’re talking to means finding their burning passions and being genuinely interested in hearing them talk about it.
Everyone you meet has a passion. Your goal is to find it.
To do this…
1) Ask intriguing questions
Repurpose the small talk. Instead of asking the same mundane “How are you?” or “What did you get up to over the weekend” questions, be memorable.
Try these instead:
“Have you been up to anything exciting recently?”
“I can see you do a lot of reading, what’s your favourite book?”
“I’ve been thinking about ____, what are your thoughts on it?”
Take it a step further and stalk them on LinkedIn beforehand. Then personalise your questions.
2) Be vulnerable first
Share a difficult moment. Something you’re struggling with right now, or a time when you overcame a challenge. Don’t be afraid to speak your truth.
The vulnerability creates the space for connection.
Without realising it, the person you’re with will reciprocate the openness, sharing a moment from their life that defined their being.
3) Create the right moment
Asking deep questions can be difficult. You never know if you’re overstepping the line too early into the conversation. To create this space, preface your deep question with:
“I’ve got an interesting question. You can tell me to f*ck off if you want…”
This acknowledges the deep-nature, while defusing the situation.
#2: Add your value
Once you find their passion, add value to it.
Offer to support them in any way you can that doesn’t cost your soul in energy, your day in time or your relationships with others.
Here’s how you do it…
1) Introduce your network
Identify someone they should meet. Ask your friend if you can introduce them. Then add them to a group chat and provide them both context. The more personal, the better.
2) Recommend a resource
Share a relevant book, tool or blog for them to use. Provide them with the summary, how-to-start video or short version. The more actionable, the better.
3) Give your time to help
If your expertise is relevant, offer to brainstorm with them. Spend time focused on solving their biggest challenges. The more focused, the better.
#3: Make your requests
If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
After you’ve given engaging conversation and useful value to someone, don’t be afraid to ask them for help. They’ll be more than willing to return the favour.
Steer clear of the fear of “no”.
You’ll need to be direct with your requests. Make sure you know what you want. Then ask for something specific. When you ask clearly, you get a clear response.
If you face the dreaded “no” or even worse, a ghosting don’t lose hope.
Their “no” can mean a number of things - it’s not the right time, they don’t understand why or it’s not clear how they’ll benefit. It’s NOT personal.
A no reply can simply mean they missed it, or haven’t had time to come back to you.
Follow-up, follow-up, follow-up.
Remind them. That’s likely all they need.
Don’t be afraid to make the same request several times, but be wary of making several requests at the same time.
Clarity in your request is key.
Whenever you build a network, remember to give more than you ask for.
It’ll come back to you in the most unexpected of ways.
The Summary
Let’s recap; To master community building, you need to engage your conversations, add your value and make your requests.
There’s your 5 minutes. Now take ACTION.
If you want further reading, here’s this week’s list: