Happiness is a choice.
Chosen by how we perceive the world around us. The perception we have creates the life in which we live, shackled by our mental models of reality, not reality itself.
The mental models we create are defined by our relationships to our actions, words, feelings and thoughts. They are the essence of how we define our identity.
I’m a runner, because I run.
I’m ambitious, because I believe I can do better.
I’m curious, because I question the world around me.
These labels are effective. They enable us to short-cut our perception of who we are and how the world around us works.
But, they also hold back our growth.
As the world evolves around us, as do we evolve as people.
The actions we used to take no longer serve us, the words we used to speak no longer resonate, the feelings we used to have no longer arise and the thoughts we used to think no longer cross our minds.
If all of this changes, what is left?
Simply awareness.
We are not the voices of our minds, but the ones who hear them. Our awareness does not fight, it is simply aware while everything in the universe parades before it.
This is the principle of mindfulness.
To be the silent observer of ourselves, aware but not consumed by the internal chatter that creates the commotion in our minds.
To embrace stillness of mind.
But, why is this relevant?
Mastering mindfulness is the key to giving you the clarity to constantly redefine who you are without losing yourself to the voices inside your skull.
Implementing mindfulness is no quick fix.
You can’t turn off your actions, words, feelings or thoughts. Nor should you want to. The goal here is to simply recognise them, observe them and let them go.
Here’s how you master mindfulness.
#1: Finding your stillness
Life moves like a bullet train pulling out of a station.
One moment it’s there. The next it’s gone.
Before we’ve even had a chance to appreciate it.
To apply the brakes to life, you need to be mindful. This means creating the space to be still. Finding those minutes to be alone with yourself and be present with the world around you, free from thought, worry or disquiet.
Great… But how do you actually create these moments?
Here’s some examples:
1) Go for a walk.
Leave your phone at home. No headphones, music or podcasts. No planned route. Choose a colour and look for it in nature as you put one foot in front of the other.
2) Meditate.
Sit on your comfy sofa. Close your eyes. Focus your attention on your breath and count the rising and falling of your chest. If your mind wanders, bring it back to the object of focus.
3) Notice your hand.
Really notice your hand, as if you’ve never seen it before. Look at the shape of it. The colour of it. Notice the nails, the lines and the fingertips. Move and rotate your fingers. See how your tendons move and the colours change.
The aim is to reconnect you to the mundane.
To truly pay attention to the moment to moment living that we take for granted by giving you an appreciation of being alive.
This creates the space for you to tune into yourself.
#2: Recognising your monologue
Take a moment right now.
STOP reading.
Look away from the screen and notice the thoughts that arise in your mind. Simply observe them without judgement and let them go.
1….2….3….4….5….
1….2….3….4….5….
What crossed your mind?
Here’s what travelled into my skull:
“Don’t forget the delivery later”
“It’s a nice day, I should probably go outside”
“Why is one of my hands colder than the other?”
These thoughts are just the tip of the iceberg.
They represent the conscious mind that can be observed, residing above a subconscious primed to suggest new ideas at a moment's notice.
By recognising your internal monologue, you’ll be able to notice glimpses of what is driving your everyday thoughts.
Do this several times and you’ll see patterns that create our beliefs, behaviours and biases, thereby shaping how we see the world.
Recognise them.
Don’t identify with them.
Just simply observe their existence.
Only then can you change them.
#3: Cultivating your happiness
With a still observable mind, anything is possible.
Anything relating to your perception of the world that is.
(which is everything)
This even means being able to create your own happiness, at the intersection of alignment, contentment and control.
1) Alignment
Alignment means living true to your values. It means there is no difference between the type of person you are and the type of person you want to be.
In a word… You’re aligned.
To do this, choose the 3 values that most resonate with you from this values menu:
Then ask yourself:
“When did I live in line with these values?”
Without judgement or expectation, explore if you’re currently living by them.
If you’re not, then identify the area lacking alignment and plan how to change it.
Align what you do and how you act with who you are.
2) Contentment
Contentment means being at peace with your life and your decisions. Becoming clear on what fulfilment looks like will enable you to understand your own contentment.
To do this, ask yourself…
“What are 3 happiness habits I practise regularly?”
Reflect on what brings you fulfilment in your life.
Then ask yourself…
“On my deathbed, what 3 things will I want to have done?”
Notice whether the happiness habits align to what will be important to you at the end of your life. If there are differences, explore whether any changes are necessary.
3) Control
Control means the ability to make meaningful decisions and that nothing, within reason, has the power to overwhelm you. It’s about being the captain of your own ship, able to navigate the choppy waters of existence.
Its very definition is unique to each of us.
To understand what control means to you, reflect on the aspects of your life where control is important to your happiness. Then identify the reasonable level of control over each area.
Examples of control areas:
Writing - able to publish online without company approval.
Schedule - able to reject pointless meetings to focus on meaningful tasks.
Expression - able to speak my thoughts to anyone regardless of seniority.
Then set in motion a plan to work towards that level.
The Summary
Let’s recap; To master mindfulness, you need to find your stillness, recognise your monologue and cultivate your happiness.
You’ve spent 5 minutes learning the mental models. Now take ACTION.
If you want further reading, here’s this week’s list: